7 Keys To Stay Resilient When Multiple Bizarre Things Happen At The Same Time

Last week started okay. I recorded a podcast, facilitated a live stream for a wedding, and of course I bawled my eyes out at the I do's like an emo panda. I translated scripts, scheduled an update of a video series for my innovation program. It wasn't exactly smooth sailing, but hey, managing! And then it happened. A few strange swellings in my right hand that had been bothering me for a few weeks. They turned my hand into an inflammatory horror story. So my well-designed week schedule was pretty much destroyed. And the inflammation spread quickly… In this post, I share 7 keys to staying resilient when a LOT of things happen at the same time. Might come in handy, since the first week of 2021 felt like, well, a long time.

(Watch this video or keep reading)

So let’s get back to the hand situation. I didn't dare wait for my doctor's appointment, which was scheduled for Monday. I was treated over the weekend by an emergency doctor at the hospital. I was immediately given medication. After that, I felt somewhat less anxious, so I planned to get back to working, because I thought: a doctor looked at it, we are blessed with medication, so it will be fine. But the next day it went from bad to worse, and the inflammation kept spreading. My GP peered at it on Monday morning and he immediately sent me back to the emergency room to be immediately referred to a surgeon. I cycled home wet cheeked, I packed an overnight bag, just in case, and my limbic system kicked in.

So I switched from recording a podcast to visiting a surgeon who would estimate whether or not I could keep two or more of the fingers of my right hand. As if we didn't think this era was wild enough up to this point. Experience shows, of course, that unpleasant situations often come in multiples.

I vividly remember that when my parents died when I was fourteen years old, I had to deal with the house right afterwards. Paperwork. Going back to school, the test week, and securing groceries, if possible. All the while the daily, formerly known to be mundane things had to continue as usual. Dealing with this isn't always easy.

Once I arrived at the hospital to have my hand treated, I saw that the first aid corridor was divided into two parts. Everything was neatly organized, and covid-19 style Spartan. Everyone in the waiting room of course had come alone, according to safety protocol. A lady was stumbling to her chair, barely able to walk because of neurological problems that she got out of nowhere. Another lady had infections on her face. She had wanted to go on vacation, but unfortunately that had to be canceled.

We encouraged each other and found that it helped significantly. We said things like 'hope springs eternal' and 'who wants a vacation anyway when you don't have your health' and things like that. On my way to the ward I heard myself tell the doctor: do what you have to do. Save my fingers if you can, but if you can't, do what you have to do. But whatever happens...keep the funny healthcare clowns away from me. I just blurted it out. And I really meant it because I really dislike clowns. I got some puzzled glances and forgave myself the silly remark. Because I realized that this was my standard coping mechanism kicking in: making awkward jokes. So I let it happen.

Rule number one for dealing with unforeseen misery: accept your coping strategy, even if it consists of making horrible jokes. When your health is in imminent danger, it is not the time to be too critical of your own reaction.

Rule number two: check in with yourself. Do a fast body scan. How is your body doing? How does it react? Where do you feel the stress and are you still able to regulate it?

And the third rule for unforeseen misery that comes all at once: assume a worst case scenario, but do yourself a gigantic favor and mix humor into it. Make it bigger and bizarre. I thought about what I could do without some of my fingers. Like, mouth painting Bob Ross landscapes. Give the tree a little friend with sap green and Van Dyck Brown. And, I could still raise my left middle finger if someone were to do something stupid. I even said something like, if I don't survive, give me an extra kick to see if I'm really dead before throwing me in the hospital recycle bin. It's always good to have options, isn't it.

This kind of talk and imagery made it suddenly much easier for me to put things into perspective. Because, of course, in the worst case scenario I could still do my job - I would still be able to mentor innovation processes. I would still be able to develop and facilitate online training courses. I would still be able to help clients with innovation projects and campaigns. I would still be able to speak on stage and, and to advocate for better conditions and rights for orphaned kids in the Netherlands. I could still podcasts, videos, and more. Of course it would get a lot more complicated and time consuming. And I would have to prioritize drastically, which is no fun. But it was clear. It provided me with the peace of mind to just grab the courage to just let the surgeon do what he had to do, if it would come to that. In addition to those first three keys, I thought of four more.

Number 4: Just say that you are afraid, but that you are willing to make sacrifices. Say: yes, I'm afraid, but I trust that in the end, all will be well, whatever that may look like.

Number 5: Stay in touch with a trusted person, even if they can only be reached by phone due to social distancing and hospital policy around covid-19. I stayed in contact with two of my friends via a messaging app, and that helped. We all laughed about the kick the corpse just to make sure - remark.

Another key is to go head in first. Don't look back, and go. When I packed my bag for the hospital, I did it quickly. I just cycled away and didn't look back. It would have made things a LOT harder if I had lingered in my living room. Just remove the band-aid quickly, so to speak.

Finally, I noticed that encouraging others helped me as much as it did others. I guess also because I gave others what I needed myself. Sharing the experience helps. Saying "we'll all be fine" to one another helps you both.

So basically these are 7 keys to resilience and self-care in times of severe stress. Resilience usually grows root under messy circumstances. The great thing about this is that nothing is fixed in the messy middle. This can be scary, because most humans crave some level of certainty. This is understandable and normal. But sometimes it’s good news. Because this means that there is always something that can be saved.

If you are someone who get in fight mode in acute situations, instead of fleeing, freezing or fawning, then you have a reaction in which in a nanosecond, you decide not to give up, but to persist. To grit it out, no matter what. But the question is: is this useful?

In a previous article, I shared the big difference between giving up and surrendering. In line with that, I was reminded of my live stream series called BRAVE, that I did two years ago. In it, I cited the book 'Waking the Tiger' by Peter A. Levine. In the book, he talked about how the body reacts to traumatic or dangerous situations. He was once injured in a serious traffic accident, and at the scene of that accident, a bystander sat next to him and stayed with him until the ambulance picked him up. This helped him regulate the stress and let his body process the ordeal in a natural pace. Because that is also a form of surrender.

If you are in an accident, then you cannot change your body's situation at that moment either. You can't emotionally regulate a broken bone. But you can try to regulate yourself and your emotional state, unless you immediately get into a shock state. But because that bystander sat down with Peter, and was completely present with him, he was able to regulate himself and get through the ordeal fairly well.

It's like the deer being chased by a tiger, grabbed by its predator, and ultimately left with no choice but to let the inevitable happen. Something similar happens in acute situations, when it is wise to surrender. Your stress hormones and your ability to self-regulate are the fastest process to quickly recover physically and mentally. To get through it. And if it's useless, you wouldn't be able to change anything anyway. And this comes with its own biological process, but that's something for another time, perhaps.

It is useful to learn to recognize what is wise when stress comes in multiples: to keep on fighting, or to surrender. In my case, the process was very smooth. I quickly switched to the conclusion that at all costs, they wanted to get rid of the infection, even if that could mean something really nasty like invasive surgery or worse. But without cliniclowns. This conclusion, and decision, gave me peace of mind, because there was a chance that it would indeed work out.

It is useful to learn to recognize what is wise when stress comes in multiples: to keep on fighting, or to surrender. In my case, the process was very smooth. I quickly switched to the conclusion that at all costs, they wanted to get rid of the infection, even if that could mean something really nasty like invasive surgery or worse. But without cliniclowns. This conclusion, and decision, gave me peace of mind, because there was a chance that it would indeed work out.

The surgeon then told me that he did not really want to cut immediately, but still wanted to try medication. And he wanted it monitored every other day. Fortunately, the infection started to ease over the week. He had made the right call. Which is an enormous relief of course, and something to be really grateful for. The infection isn't completely gone yet. But I'm confident that it will work out for the best. Hands are important. But because I had surrendered and had actually already seen the worst case scenario, and also put humor in it, my brain had enough peace of mind to also do the other things I had scheduled for that week.

Things like drafting my speech for the Amsterdam city council. And designing a learning journey. And prepare things for my NGO. Those things would have been more difficult, if not impossible, if I had only been busy persisting, hanging in there, surged with fear. There's nothing heroic about what I did. But it worked. My hand is on the mend, thus far.

So what about you? How are you doing? What crazy, nerve-racking things have you survived this week? And how did, or didn't you deal with it? Let me know.